It became pretty obvious by this point that there was kind of split. I mean here I was in torment over this punishment. Being bombarded with all these fragments, all these pieces of failure and derision, and memory, places I had already been. And everyone else just living their lives forward and making plans, putting one foot in front of the other, and eventually passing the other as is the law of nature. while I, a god, of god, am apparently not subject to these laws anymore. stuck in this world of fractions, unable to pass, i may as well have been going backwards. I open my eyes and I'm on a roof ten years ago, I jump off and try to die but instead I'm 20 years from now, under some woman's thumb, some woman who isn't even aware she's subjugating something holy. unaware there is an evil we are in service of now, taking this joy and spitting it out, next time I open my eyes I'm in Albany, then Buffalo, I'm stoned, I'm drunk. and MEANWHILE back in reality, this place I can observe and torture but not influence, i find myself where I usually end up when I'm immersed in some irreparable cognitive dissonance. At a bar, looking for something to stick my dick into.